The nun the got away...

Recently, I was almost involved in an act so dreadful that it would have guaranteed me a one-way ticket to Hell.

My current ticket is round-trip. But it's also invalid.

I almost killed a nun.

Well, technically, I wasn't driving the death-machine, so maybe my hands are clean. But my friend and I were driving through a parking lot trying to find somewhere to shop. You see, we were going to an Adam Lambert concert, so we needed crazy clothes. Somehow, crazy clothes turned to crazy minds. And crazy minds should not be driving.

Well, as we're both staring out of MY window at this store, trying to decide whether or not to approach, I turn back to the road to see a woman in the cross walk.

"OLD WOMAN!" I screamed.

My friend glances back and slams on her breaks, at which point, the woman glanced at us.

"NUUUUUUUN!" I yelled.

We stopped.

This woman. This nun! She had an insane face. One eye was just a little bigger than the other, and her nose was clearly the king of her face-kingdom. And she just stared at us. Stared as she shuffled across the road. It's like she was damning us to Hell.

I have a thing about yelling short phrases when I'm in distress. Once, my freshman year of college, I almost died in an elevator.

These elevators were KNOWN for eating backpacks and extremities. Well, as I was walking through the door to board the hungry elevator, the doors began to close on me. Quickly, too. We're not talking hungry like a venus fly trap. Hungry like, maybe, a jackal.

So I stopped, raised my left leg, scrunched up my shoulders, turned partially around to look at my roommate behind me, and yelled...

"ELEVATOOOOR!"

Fortunately, I survived.