I Just Had a Sex Dream About You

I'm not cocky. That is to say that I don't have a cock, I don't crow at sunrise, and I'm not a narcissist. Two of those statements are true and one is a sort of a lie. Anyway, this isn't really going anywhere. Not true. We throw the best parties. We being my boyfriend and myself.

We recently held a Mustache Party at his place, and it was at least 70% badass. 20% drunkenness. And 10% chicks making out. Now, if you don't know what a Mustache Party is, you're totally missing out. Everyone puts on, draws on, or grows their favorite creepy dude and/or 70's pornstar facial hair and drinks their fucking face off.

Did I mention the chicks making out?

So anyway, I was pretty wasted so I don't remember a lot of the party. I remember pouring some water on my friend, and then moments later winding up on the floor covered in an entire bottle of water and in a mild to moderate amount of pain. She's strong as shit. No, really. If I could harness her power and sell her to fight, like, bears or something... I so would. But I love her too much to let her get mauled by a bear. Where the Hell was I going?

Oh yeah, I was kind of shitfaced so I don't remember a lot of the party itself, but I was cleaning up today and I found something weird. It appeared to be lines of white powder in the corner of the living room. Cocaine? No, my friends are too fucking weird for that... These lines were crushed up Lactaid pills. Really, guys? REALLY? That's awesome. And fucking weird.

Way weirder than the sunglasses I found in the microwave the next morning.